So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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