He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
