btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
