theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
