All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
