I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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