Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
