This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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