Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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