my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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