it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
