Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How does one acquire holy water?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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