You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
