I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
