So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize