Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
