i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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