dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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