i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
