after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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