So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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