Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
