She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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