Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
