he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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