I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
