Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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