Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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