seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
