I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
