Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
