Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
