No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
how does that bad decision feel?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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