I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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