Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Damn victory sex feels great
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
