just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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