and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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