he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
