is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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