You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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