Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
