I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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