The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
