to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
