My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
