This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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