He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
