hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
