Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
