at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
