why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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