I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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