so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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