whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
