Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the condom got lost in my hair
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
