I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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