He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
