In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
