i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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