the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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