What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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