Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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