She told me I should be a condom model.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't turn off my feet"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
