I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
