you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
