is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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