You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
