um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize