I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
