I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
