I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
