the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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