that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
