STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
zippers are such a cool invention
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my liver is dry heaving
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
