Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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