We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
